just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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