I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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