First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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