He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
