I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
What happened to fro yo and sex?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
