i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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