community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
