you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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