I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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