If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
