I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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