Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
