Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
