We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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