Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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