i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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