Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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