hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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