it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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