I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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