If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
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