Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Just high enough for therapy.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Randomize
