I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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