So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
