Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
