i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
