Can i not drive my cunt home
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
