If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
