I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
