Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
