I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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