i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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