I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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