He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
