covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i barfeds in our rink
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
