Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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