I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
