her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
you have to choose: penises or morals?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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