I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
