Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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