Soap is not a condiment
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
