I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
