The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
