Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
