Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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