Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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