Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
