Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
