i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
All I want is dick and wine.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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