Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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