There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
