So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
